We live in the world that is highly external and as such it is also highly visual.
The market is awash with products that offer and promise instant and visually pleasing effects. As if all that you’ve ever wanted is hidden in a jar of a face cream, or in a dress, or in a pair of jeans that are designed to lift your bum and make your legs appear longer and slimmer.
You can’t consume your way to happiness. Inner freedom and self-love, that ultimately lead to happiness and self-fulfillment, are something that requires a lot of inner work and dedication. And in order for that to happen, looking in the mirror is essential.
And by mirror, I mean a metaphorical one.
How important is what you are doing right now?
What would happen if you stop what you are doing now, no matter how ‘important’ it is, and spend some time with yourself. Asking yourself what you need. What your Soul desires.
Most people, and I used to be one of them, tend to spend a lot of time tending to other people’s needs, and forget to address their own, very often resulting in feeling depleted of energy, angry, and dissatisfied with everything and everyone, ending up pointing the finger of blame to the outside.
There is nothing wrong with giving attention to others, but only once you have given a sufficient amount of it to yourself. When you give what you truly don’t have, you end up looking in the wrong mirror. The one that is external, desperately trying to cover dark circles around your eyes with the latest eye cream, or your drained unhappy expression with a blusher, only to find out that it doesn’t work.
Masking doesn’t work
Your eyes, your face, your voice, the way you carry yourself tell a story, that no make up or external cover up can mask.
I see a lot of my clients, searching for instant and quick fix solutions, but all in vain.
Everywhere you look there are people offering the latest craze that will solve everything and that it will be easy, and that you, my dear will not need to lift a finger!
I have learnt to stay away from those that promise fog and that leave people high and dry.
Instead, I am all for a wholesome, deep, organic, and totally designed for modern age – Look Within Method. My need for it was such, that I ended up co-creating a method (Momentum MethodTM) that is designed to follow the dynamic of modern age and modern living, ensuring that you live the life you deserve, being free to be you, with all your imperfections and flaws.
You see, it’s not like we were all born with oodles of self-confidence and self-love.
From the moment you drew your first breath you are compared…To your mother, father, grand parents, aunts…And whether you were conscious enough, as a baby, to hear and understand those comparisons, or not, I am sure that you got them on a cellular level, on the level of energy.
You are enough!
And so, growing with the feeling that you are not good enough and that you won’t be loved enough as you are, is deeply engrained in your psyche. In fact, most of the things you end up doing as an adult, is comparing yourself, trying desperately to fit someone else’s model of perfection. A model that you have no notion of. A model that was imposed onto you.
So, looking in the mirror, stops being a quick check stop, it turns into a mini torture of: does my bum look big in this, is my face clear, do I look good, what will other say, etc…
But, looking good doesn’t necessarily mean feeling good. Feeling good inside. Where every single cell of your body is happy and healthy and it vibrates with joy, satisfaction and deep self-love and appreciation.
Looking in the mirror is what we as women owe to ourselves. Goddesses of creation, we are designed to bring a new life into the physical world. We keep forgetting this role that was bestowed upon us. And it doesn’t matter whether we realize ourselves as mothers or whether we end up creating something else, the point here is that we are powerful beyond belief, and yet we are forgetting that power. We forget to stand in it – to honour its sacredness.
Looking deep in the mirror is not easy. It may bring all sorts of emotions that you have become a master at masking and avoiding. Yet, unless you look within, you will go without. And the answer between who you are and who you are meant to be, lies precisely in your plucking up the courage to face the mirror.
Looking within may bring about the feeling of shame, fear, anger, guilt, doubt, it may initially disrupt your current set up, but sometimes it is necessary to shake things up, to change the rules of the game, to start realizing who you are, and what you want, in order to really live the life you deserve.
You see, most people fool themselves thinking they look in the mirror, but ultimately they see what they are conditioned (by their environment, family, upbringing, society) to see, not what they are really about.
If they really looked within, facing that mirror, most of them would not settle for the lives they are currently living. They would start allowing themselves to live the lives they dreamed about, before they ‘decided’ to settle, before they lowered their standards.
What has become the norm is polishing the masks, rather than taking them off; watering the leaves, rather than watering the plant.
You see, when you start giving to yourself what you don’t need, you will never have enough. Why? Because, you are not getting what you actually want.
So be honest. When was the last time you actually asked yourself what you want and without any excuse and apologies, you went ahead and gave it to yourself? This doesn’t need to be anything big…It can be a simple walk to the park, going to a cafe, a movie!
Actually, when was the last time you did something alone! Free from the external noise, with enough time and space to ‘face’ your mirror?
Let me guess…Very rarely…Why? Because, most people, have learnt that if they want something they need to prepare a list of reasons why they want it…a kind of silent asking for approval, for validation, which is another way of telling the world that you don’t deserve it. This of course, has to do with years of learning how to suppress your essence, your real needs.
Some people have, over time, learnt to question the essence of who they are? They have become best friends with self-doubt and guilt.
And living with self-doubt and guilt is hardly a pre-requisite to step into your power, into your greatness.
Self-doubt and guilt don’t like mirrors. They abhor anything that requires breaking free from the illusions, and taking the masks off.
If you don’t like the way you look, if you are carrying extra weight – that will not change by you refusing to face the cause of excess weight. And if you live your life by sweeping things under the carpet and hoping that the problem will disappear, you may be deluding yourself, and what’s more, by not addressing it, you may be creating an even bigger problem.
Out of sight, out of mind strategy, may work in some cases, but when it comes to facing what needs to be faced, the closer we are to the truth, the bigger the chance to deal with it.
Exercise: Find a quiet place, put some soft music on, and ask yourself – What aspects of yourself do you refuse to face? What is it that you are afraid you’ll see?
This will require you to quiet your mind, either by some simple conscious breathing techniques or by staying in silence for a while, free from the external and internal noise.
Notice what happens when you turn the volume to the internal noise….What do you hear? What do you see? What do you feel? You may experience a feeling that is new and not very pleasant. That’s ok. Be glad that your body is communicating to you.
Stay with that feeling and ask it what message it has for you? What does that feeling have to tell you? And listen. Open your eyes, ears, all your senses, and listen. Be prepared to see what you may have been avoiding for years. When you welcome the feeling, and you don’t resist it, and when you are ready to learn the lessons it has for you, you will very likely start feeling lighter…the unpleasant feeling will leave. And with it, the sorrow, void, even extra kilos you may be carrying, will go.
Very often, out of fear, and ignorance, some people choose to carry extra baggage that doesn’t serve them, without realizing that carrying a small mirror, is a lot easier and way more practical…Mirror offers you access to areas that you may have forgotten exist within you.
Over time, some people have learnt to ‘hate’ their body/look they were born with, they spend their time feeding their body hate and disgust, while expecting their bodies to miraculously become slim and perfect.
There is very little logic in that. Imagine waking up every morning and looking in the mirror, not liking what you see, starting your day with hatred, disappointment and disgust. Starting your first waking hour by criticizing yourself, by not loving yourself, by not being gentle to yourself…Imagine that… Now, stop and think – if you treated another human being the way you treat yourself, when you look at yourself in the mirror, would you expect that person to respect you, to honour you, to listen to you, to do what you are asking of it, to love you?
The answer is very likely NO! The same with your body! What you give it, what you feed it emotionally, the way you communicate with it, with yourself, will reflect in how you feel and ultimately in how you look.
Your body has not done anything to you, to deserve such a treatment. Instead, it only reflects the open battlefield that is going on in your mind.
Exercise: So instead of running away, take a deep long honest look in the mirror and first thank yourself, your body, your mind, for serving you, for being there for you, for giving you the chance to complain and be dissatisfied. As once you face the stuff that is bothering you, really face it, without any excuses and drama, you can start the healing process.
By accepting things as they are, not worse or better, but as they really are, you can start making a progress in the right direction. You can start accepting yourself. Fully. Unconditionally. Without excuses and apologies.
Start repairing your relationship between you and your physical self. Your body knows how to be perfect, it’s just that in the years of hiding behind a mask and a veil of inauthenticity, it has forgotten how to be. You have forgotten how to be.
While doing this, facing yourself, you may feel like crying, and that is a good thing. Stay with your tears. Don’t run away. Think about all the times you ran away, you hid from the real raw emotions. All the time your body your Soul was calling out for you, begging for help, and you turned your back, out of fear, out of doubt, running towards the safe and familiar patterns, those that make the noise, so that the silent cry that comes from within cannot be heard.
Stay and listen. Give yourself to yourself. You owe it to yourself. You deserve it. You don’t need anyone’s permission but your own.
Thank. Accept. And start forgiving. Look at yourself in the eyes, look deep, and forgive yourself for all the times you let yourself down. For all the times you settled. For all the times you lowered your standards. For all the times you chose to play small. Stop judging yourself.
Notice what happens when you look and face what needs to be faced. When you give attention to where it’s really needed.
Notice the way you breathe. The way you stand. The way you see the world. Notice how mellow you are becoming, and revel in the beauty that starts to emerge from within. It’s yours. Enjoy it. Fully. Give in to it. Dance with it!
People often tend to run away from emotions, as there is an unwritten rule that if you want to succeed and be respected in the world you need to toughen up. Women, especially, are presented with all the role models that they didn’t choose, that are frankly men in skirts and high heels.
Some women, in their pursuit to please everyone, have appropriated a large amount of male (yang) energy, and have given away their gentle (yin) energy.
There is nothing wrong with showing your vulnerability, your softness, your mellow feminine side. There is strength in it. Face it, open up to it.
Look in the mirror, external and internal. And allow that woman, the goddess, the mother, the creatrix to come out. To dazzle.
If you want to live the life you want, free from masks, and additives, start looking within and without, stop settling and start negotiating. Stop waiting for others to give you want you want, instead start giving it to yourself.
Stop waiting for others to give you a permission to be. Open up to love. And the love will open up to you. Love is free deservingness. It is free from begging. It is your birthright. Embrace it. Own it. Live it. Fully and unapologetically.